It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
