I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
