Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
this hospital has no fireball
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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