Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
