Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
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please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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