i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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