Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize