soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
