your parents love me but you hate me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
