what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ketchup is God's man juice
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
