The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
