My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
