dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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