My hair reeks of homosexuality.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
