I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
