I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
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