I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
