Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
