Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
