my phone needs a breathalizer
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
