I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
