Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
