I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
