who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
