Having a random hookup so left but love u
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
