I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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