i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
