let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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