Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
