So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
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I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
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I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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