YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
