I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
