I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
