But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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