I accidentally burped into my bong.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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