6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
