What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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