I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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