I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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