yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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