If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
