after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize