dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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