Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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