i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
