Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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