he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
