the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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