put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
how does that bad decision feel?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
