Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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