if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
