Michael Bay diarrhea
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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