I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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