He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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