the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
