just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
