if only i could text you this smell
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
