When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
