You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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