A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
