I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
