I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
