Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
