What a fucking waste of an outfit
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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