She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
