She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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