The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
