What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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