we're chasing vodka with high fives
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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