this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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