Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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