did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
