I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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