I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
