Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
