people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize