the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
