hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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