She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
