i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
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just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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