i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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